Be positive I am 33

Happy Birthday to me,

I am 33 today and I feel very positive about it. To start with, my Birthday started before expected, because a friend in New-Zeland wish it to me in the Morning (24th afternoon for me).

My birthday wish is to feel positive about myself.

Sounds easy enough. The last years have been difficult. Fighting of depression and burn out was and is a challenge. I doubt myself, I doubt that I can do things I used to do again. I doubt that I can work in science again, although I love that job, and I was told I was good at it. I doubt that I can be a good mum very often. I doubt that I can combine being me with all these things that are part of me.

I would love to be me and feel good about it. Because I do have a good life with many wonderful people in it, and they support me. So why can't I do the same? I feel I could do anything to help someone I love. Yet, I have difficulties to do the same for me. It seems to be the roots of my difficulties to write a proposal to get a postdoc and work again. I want this very much, it is only for me, no one else depends directly on it, I have no pressure from anyone to get it done and writing it is impossible most days. Why?

to realise my wish for today is what I can feel positive about me:

I am Caroline
I love hugs with my son.
I love to smile and see the smile in others face in return.
I love the Ocean, its strength, its depths and diving in it always wonders me.
I loved to work in Science and hope that this will come back. 
I love to hang out with Friends, to write to them and read their mails.
I love to play games with my son and with friends
I love to laugh
I do love chocolate and hope I will have a chocolate cake for my Birthday, maybe we will bake one this afternoon, even though it is too hot to turn the oven on.
I love the look of my husband when he looks at me and I feel I am the most wonderful luckiest person on Earth.

Have all a most wonderful day. Take care of yourselves, go smile to someone for me. 

ps. I had an awesome chocolate cake :D

pardon

À mes amis Musulmans, À mes amis dont la famille est de confession musulmane,

Je vous demande pardon. Je vous demande pardon car depuis ce vendredi 13 Novembre 2015 des accusations impardonnables ont commencé. 

To all my Muslim friends, To my friends whose family is Muslim,

I ask for forgiveness. I am so sorry, I even feel ashamed of reading since Friday the 13th Novembre 2015 accusations against Muslims.

Winter is here

Winter is coming

L'automne est passé, demain c'est le solstice d'hiver. Le jour le plus court de l'année. L'hiver vient et cette année je ne me sens pas prête à l'accueillir. L'hiver a plein de facettes. 

C'est la fin de l'année, la période où nous nous demandons où est passé le temps. Papoï a 19 mois. Il marche, court, dit ses premiers mots créant sa langue de l'Allemand, du Français, de l'Anglais et du langage des signes pour bébé. Ja ja ou Nein! sont ceux que nous entendons le plus souvent. Ses mains s'agitent pour demander encore une chanson, ou la lecture du livre sur les camions. Le bonheur de Papoï me remplit de joie. Il devient un petit garçon, heureux, sociable, rigolo, et ouvert sur le monde qui l'entoure.